trdavis

Ashton will be a senior in high school next year. I did explain to him that I will put the tags and start the insurance on the car. Now he is able to get a job so he can get some of the things he needs for his senior year coming. He also wants certain personal things for himself that I have a hard time providing because I am a single parent. He has agreed to do these things.
And I also explained to him that he is getting older. I have the job of preparing him for adult life. He needs some small responsibility up front and as the year goes along I will give him more things to take care of himself. He is going off to school next year. I want him to learn how to be able to juggle school and a job. Him being a man should know a few things about a car. Oil changes and tune-ups and rotating tires etc. When he goes to drivers education they  teach you how to change tires and battery up keep but that's all. By knowing these few little things he can also save money. which will help a college student. And some cases make a few extra dollars and get girls. I just had to add that because its true. A man is suppose to be versatile. He is according to the bible, be able to work with his hands at many jobs. Every area in life for a man I definitely try my best to cover with them. So, they can be the best man they can be.

Darius my son who resides in Florida right now , will make sure he is nurtured most everyday. He has a question for me to answer about life, girls, food, clothes, and school. He is very open and that is good. Right now he is debating as to whether he should find a place and live there for good or come back again next year during the summer. I really want him to be home. And I found myself persuading him to do just that. But, I know he really wants to find his own way. He has an idea of how he will take care of himself without me having to give him everything. So, I told him to research what it will take to live in his area. Utilities, and rent prices. Weighing all that against what he will be making on a job. He also will be going away on internships spring and summer of 2011. Then I had him look at his expenses now. Which will be more beneficial to him now and 2years from now.  

I try and give my oldest son Byron the most space because he has a real apartment. And he is right here in the city. I guess the best nurturing tip I could have given him was how to budget his money. Use to he would wait til the last day before a bill was due. And he had a week before he got paid. I got him on line and had him look at the Dave Ramsey Course. It has really helped me manage and look ahead. We went through the entire course. Took notes and all. So, as long as he plans ahead with his bills he'll be ok. And I showed him how to use his leftover money to pay up a few utilities. He also has a leftover envelope. The leftover envelope is for any money he didn't use in the month minus the "fun money" for extra activities. At the end of the month, if he has any left he is to put it in the bank. Don't touch let it build. So far he is doing okay. I still have to realize he 20. And I don't comment. If he saves he does and if doesn't when he gets older there won't be any there. Its all up to him

It has been really hard to nurture my two sons since they have been out of the house. REALLY HARD!!! I wanted to be there at their every move. I wanted them to call as soon as they could. And don't do anything before they ASKED me. How crazy is that? I realized I gave them all that I possibily could. I just had to stop calling. I was doing to much.

But now, life is good. Their first year I did it all. I filled out all the paperwork and made sure essays were written correctly. I paid for everything. Now, its their second year. I gave most of the responsibility to them. The financial aid papers and scholarships they had to complete themselves. Now, the best thing about it is they did it and all is well. Any problems they call and we work it out.

As far as living on their on and handling responsibility of everyday life. They are pretty much self sufficient. They found church homes to worship. I still provide most of the food. I call 2 times a week instead of everyday.

Now I nurture myself first and if they need me to help with a bill or groceries I will. But, they are my babies I will always try to be there when they need me.

I asked them if I make them feel safe, secure and loved. Byron said every night before I go to be I will call and say goodnight and that I love him. Ashton said we have good conversations and supporting him in all his activities. Darius calls me almost everyday about every step he takes since he is so far away. I give him lots of advice daily.

 I use to work for a nursing facility. One Christmas they gave every patient and staff member the most beautiful handmade quilts. Mine just happened to match my room decor. So, every day I would fold it at the end of my bed. I came home one day and my blanket was not there. I asked and my middle son Darius said he had it. I didn't bother with it cause it was okay for him to use. One time I went looking for my blanket to put around me. Couldn't find it. So, I went checked Ashton's room, not there. I went in Darius room pulled the covers back, there it was. It was spread out on his bed in between the sheets. He said it was comfortable. And it made him feel warm. He is a little on the thin side. So, I was going to get the cover and put it back on my bed. Everytime he put it right back. He had to have the cover the way it was. I soon found out from him why he had it. He said it has this smell that I like and its soft and warm. The smell was mine.

Well, I jsut want to add this one. Years ago when Ashton was 5 or 6 years old he had an imaginary friend named "poocht". I can't say that he is attached to any item since then. But, poochy went everywhere with us. We had to have a small space in the car. And we must must set a place for him a the kitchen table. He had a power ranger plate just like Ashton. What Ashton was doing was late at night or when he was at play Ashton was telling Poochy his problems or concerns. I was going through a rough marriage. Ashton was not happy. So, he invented this friend for comfort and security. I felt bad for him. So, my sister and I went to buy a small animal toy and named him Poochy. It didn't work. So, one day after my husband was long gone Poochy came back. We were riding in the car. And I had to pull into the parking lot. He let Poochy out. What we didn't realize at the time it was very near where my mother and grandmother are buried. I'm not sure but, the possibility has always made us wonder. And it's so funny this subject came up for me to talk about. Because since then and still now. Ashton doesn't have very close friends and he is very close to me. I said before he goes where ever I go. And he was the same way with my father. It's almost as if he is protecting me. Strange story but true.

Sorry this pic is sideways. The point is still the same. These two are basically inseparable. They met at Salama Youth Center over 5 years ago. Byron, my son, said they just connected. Both were from other towns. And didn't know many people. From there my two sons have been conjoined at the hip. His friends name is courtney.  When one is low the other helps make him all better. When Courtney goes home to visit Byron goes. And Byron is planning a trip back to San Diego for his birthday and Courtney is going to. They like similar dress attire also. I believe Courtney was the first person Byron could confide in. They both love the Theater and Dance also. So, we've just taken Courtney as a family member. Holidays, Courtney is right there. We love him.

Today, My youngest son and I went to walk and workout. He is constantly in front of the computer, tv, and game when he comes home. And now they are on spring break and he has just laid around doing nothing all day. He end up having to motive me to do a little more. And now we have commited to 3 days this week. When school is back in everyday til winter.

Today I nurtured my children by cooking a wonderful meal. We had many things to eat that they love. Only after our meal no one wanted to do the dishes. Thing is we have a dishwasher like everybody else. Why is this such a problem?  SO. I gave them 2 options. Clean the kitchen or No tv and electronics this week. I guided them to do the right thing. I showed them that I pay the bills and they truly don't have an option. And sometimes they are going to have to make those decisions on their own. Mama isn't going to be there to say clean your house, take out your garbage, make your bed, and clean your bathroom when they have their own homes. Children often take for granted that Parents will always be around to clean up their messes and tell them who, what, when, where and how. Not so. Parents are sometimes away on trips or living out of the home and prayerfully not soon parents die. So, our job as parents is to make the hard decisions to make our children do things they don't want to do now in order to be competent enough to take care of themselves when we are not around anymore. Hopefully, the discipline I give my children will help them to be better men.